10 Most Hilarious Charlie Kelly Quotes

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is one of my favourite TV show. It is about four egocentric friends and Danny Devito running a dive bar in Philadelphia. I like all characters but Charlie Kelly (Charlie Day) character has a special place. He is the janitor of Paddy’s Pub. What a cool job huh? Charlie is living with Frank Reynolds (Danny DeVito) in his dirty apartment. He thought was his biological father but he later finds out that he was adopted. His father is still unknown and I would be really hard to find his original father since his mother was a prostitute. Arguably the most unhappy member of the gang. He has a perfect job, a perfect mother to grow with and he is in love with a waitress who hates him. So it isn’t really too surprising that his brain is working different than normal people. Check out 10 Most Hilarious Charlie Kelly Quotes below. Feel free to comment and add your favourite Charlie Kelly quotes.

10 – Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody’s Ass

Charlie Kelly (10) - Hilarious Charlie Kelly Quotes
Charlie Kelly (10)

Charlie Kelly: [Charlie’s America Song] I’m gonna rise up, I’m gonna kick a little ass, Gonna kick some ass in the USA, Gonna climb a mountain, Gonna sew a flag, Gonna fly on an Eagle, I’m gonna kick some butt, I’m gonna drive a big truck, I’m gonna rule this world, Gonna kick some ass, Gonna rise up, Kick a little ass, ROCK, FLAG AND EAGLE!

09 – The Gang Exploits a Miracle

Charlie Kelly (9)
Charlie Kelly (9)

Here’s a confession: I’m in love with a man. What? I’m in love with a man … a man named God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha.

08 – The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby

Charlie Kelly (8)
Charlie Kelly (8)

Charlie leaves a note in the bar after stealing the dumpster baby. “Taked baby. Meet at later bar, night or day sometime.”

07 – A Very Sunny Christmas

Charlie Kelly (7)
Charlie Kelly (7)

Charlie Kelly: [Charlie walks up to a shopping mall Santa Claus as Mac watches, after learning that his mother was a prostitute who had her clients dress up as Santa on Christmas to avoid upsetting Charlie]
Santa Claus: Ho ho ho ho. Well, hello! Merry Christmas! So, where’s your little one?
Charlie Kelly: [Charlie sits on Santa’s lap]
Santa Claus: Oh! Ho ho ho ho, you’re a big boy, aren’t ya? Ha ha! Uh… [to Mac] Is he retarded? Ah, I got this one. [to Charlie] So, son – what would you like for Christmas, huh?
Charlie Kelly: Did you f*ck my mom?
Santa Claus: …What?
Charlie Kelly: Did you F*CK… my MOM?
Santa Claus: Whaddaya mean? I, uh…
Charlie Kelly: Did you f*ck my mom, Santa Claus? Did you f*ck my mom? Did you f*ck her? DID YOU F*CK MY F*CKING MOM? DID YOU F*CK MY MOM, SANTA? AAAAH! [Charlie bites Santa’s neck, causing blood to spray everywhere, then drags him to the ground and mercilessly beats him in front of hundreds of crying children before Mac finally drags him away]

06 – The Waitress is Getting Married

Charlie Kelly (6)
Charlie Kelly (6)

Ordering in a fancy restaurant: “Yes, my good man, I’ll have the milk steak, boiled over hard, and your finest jelly beans … raw.”

05 – Mac’s Banging the Waitress

Charlie Kelly (5)
Charlie Kelly (5)

Charlie’s suspicion of Mac is heightened so he drinks 24 beers. He is sleeping with Dennis when Mac comes in to confirm to Dennis that he is in fact his best friend… Charlie wakes up:
Charlie in a drunken, slurred voice: “Woah, what is this? What am I seeing?”
Dennis: “Nothing man you’re having a dream right now.”
Mac: “Ya, just a dream.”
Charlie: “I’m dreaming. Are you sure cause I feel like I’m awake”
Dennis: “No man, this is a dream that I am having.”
Charlie: “Am I peeing?”
Dennis: “Are you peeing?????”
Mac: “He’s pissing all over the bed!”
Dennis: “O, Jesus he’s peeing!”
Mac: “I told you he was going to do it. I knew he was going to do it. He drank too much. God Dammit!”
Charlie: “Hey guys if I’m peeing, wake me up.”

04 – The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation

Charlie Kelly (4)
Charlie Kelly (4)

Charlie Kelly: Oh sh*t. Look at that door dude. See that door right there? That door marked ‘Pirate’? You think a pirate lives in there?
Dennis Reynolds: What? Dude, that door’s marked “Private.”
Charlie Kelly: Oh, yeah. I knew that. I was just trying to make conversation.

03 – The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby

Charlie Kelly (3)
Charlie Kelly (3)

Charlie believes that the dumpster baby is the love child between the waitress and Frank, so he goes to the coffee shop to confront the waitress:
“You know there was a time where I’d help you raise this little dumpster baby brother of mine like a son. But that’s gone now ’cause you ruined it. You threw your babies away. And you threw your swords away. You threw your golf clubs and your tasty treats! And ya know what? I found ’em. And I’m gonna raise all of them!”

02 – Mac and Charlie Die: Part One

Charlie Kelly (2)
Charlie Kelly (2)

Mac: The only way that my dad is not going to kill us, is if he thinks we’re already dead.
Charlie Kelly: Oh great, I hope you’d say that, great, let’s kill ourselves, let’s do it.

01 – Sweet Dee’s Dating a Retarded Person

Charlie Kelly (1)
Charlie Kelly (1)

Charlie Kelly: [singing] Night Man, sneaky and mean. Spider inside my dreams, I think I love you. You make me want to cry, you make me want to die. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, Night Man. Every night you come into my room and pin me down with your strong arms, And pin me down and I try to fight you, You come inside me and fill me up and I become the Night Man.
Mac: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Charlie. Hang on a second. I mean the first half of that song was kind of cool, but what’s with the second half?
Charlie Kelly: It’s about the Night Man, like, you know, like filling me up, and I become him,I become the spirit of the Night Man.
Mac: But it sounds like a song where a man breaks into your house and rapes you.
Charlie Kelly: What, dude? Where are you getting that from? Alright,
[resumes singing]
Charlie Kelly: It’s just two men sharing the night. It might seem wrong, but it’s just right. It’s just two men sharing each other. It’s just two men like lovin’ brothers. One on top, and one on bottom. One inside, and one is out. One is screaming he’s so happy and the other’s screaming a passionate shout. It’s the Night Man. The feeling so wrong and right man, the feeling so wrong and right man. I can’t fight you man when you come inside me and pin me down with your strong hands and I become the Night… the passionate, passionate Night Man.